guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
