homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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