Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize