I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I am spending my child support on dildos
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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