Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
