i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
