Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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