you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
