maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
