I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
