i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
