so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
