I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
