so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
