Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize