Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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