Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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