I just made out with a guy for $7.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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