wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
