I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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