I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
