I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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