I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize