I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize