you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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