I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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