A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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