Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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