Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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