Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I cut my penus on the lid.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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