who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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