I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
