Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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