white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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