ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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