Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
