erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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