So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
