I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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