There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
