I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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