More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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