She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
