"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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