it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize