She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
