we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
