Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
