im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
