so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
