this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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