Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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