I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
