I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize