i barfeds in our rink
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
