My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
