I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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