I wish I could teleport
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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