i was rollin on her like bob the builder
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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