You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
