It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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