I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize