So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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