So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
