just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
