all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
